Held
by K.E.B.123
Summary: Sometimes tragedy strikes hard. Elliot is there for Olivia when her life is shattered, but when he learns something he was never supposed to know, he breaks. Now the two must learn what 'it feels like to be held'. Summary sucks but the story is better.
1. Chapter 1

**this has absolutely nothing to do with the song (if you know what song Im talking about), I just so happened to be listening to it as I was writing, hence, the title. So, fair warning, the title may, and probably will, change.**

**Well, as if I wasn't going through a hard enough time adjusting to a new life, I get even more bad news. I just learned, a few days ago, from my friend out of state, that someone me and my friends knew in high school died two weeks ago :(**

**I am a bit of an emotional wreck right now, but I didn't want to blow up at my roommates, so I decided to write. I'm just going to go with this, it can be a one shot, or I can continue, but it all depends on how it ends up. Honestly, I have no idea whatsoever on how I want this to be, I just know I needed to write, to vent. Sorry, I'm rambling.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN LAW AND ORDER: SVU, OR ITS CHARACTERS; DICK WOLF DOES.

* * *

**

Elliot's POV

FUCK! How did I let this happen. I was supposed to watch her, supposed to have her back, and yet here I was, at Mercy hospital, waiting for word on how my partner, my _pregnant _partner, was doing. This was one of my worst nightmares coming true. The fact that my stupid mistake could cause Liv her life, and even worse, the life of her baby, made me feel even two times as shitty as I already did. What would happen when she woke up? Would she blame me? Of course she would, I was the one who practically put her in the hospital.

What would I do if she didn't make it? I love her, and without her in my life... I don't even want to think about it, because I know she'll make it. Olivia Benson is strong, and damn it, she's not going down without a hell of a fight.

* * *

Third POV

Elliot stood, pacing around in the quiet waiting room, wringing his hands, waiting on the status of how his partner was doing. "Elliot, sit down. You're not helping Liv by being anxious."

Elliot felt his captain's hand on his shoulder, urging him to sit, but he only shook his head. "Captain, my partner's in surgery because of me. I was stupid, and I got her hurt." He wiped his hand across his face, and for the first time since the accident he was able to see the red coloring that covered the skin of his arm. He looked down at his suit, and shuttered. The thought of her losing that much blood, made him worry even more. "She's pregnant" he whispered, hoping that if the captain knew about it now, there was nothing worse he could do to her for not telling him.

Cragen took his hand off Elliot's shoulder, before staring at his detective. "What?" he asked, just as surprised as Elliot was.

"She's pregnant" he repeated, louder, taking out his wallet and pulling out a sonogram picture of Olivia's unborn child. "Sixteen weeks."

Cragen grabbed the picture and studied it, tears coming to his eyes when he realized that the closest thing to a grandchild he would have, was in danger, along with his favorite detective. Cragen stared at the picture for a few seconds, before the obvious popped into question. "Elliot, are you-

Elliot shook his head, obviously saddened by the thought. "No. Joshua Hamilton."

Cragen nodded, knowing how much Elliot had hated the man to begin with, and how much the whole squad had despised him even more when Olivia had found him with another woman.

Seeing Cragen become quiet, Elliot sighed. He reached over and grabbed the picture from his captain's hand, but winced when he felt the sharp pain in his shoulder. "Elliot, are you okay?"

He nodded. "I'm fine" he lied. He wasn't fine, he was far from it, but he knew he had to be strong for Olivia, and his little "niece" or "nephew". He looked at the picture once more, smiling at the small image, remembering how he felt when Olivia had told him she was going to be a mother.

* * *

_2 months earlier_

_ "Liv, you okay? Maybe you should go home." Elliot watched as Olivia hunched over the trash can and threw up, the third time since she arrived at the precinct. He felt helpless, watching his partner empty her stomach. "Come on, I'm going to take you home" he said once she was done._

_ Not feeling well enough to argue with him, Olivia stood up and nodded her head, before heading to the car, allowing Elliot's hand to find the small of her back and keep her from falling over. Her heart nearly stopped when she felt her partner's hand make its way to her waist, pulling her close, before placing a kiss on the top of her head. 'He's just worried about you Olivia' she thought, reminding herself that whatever feelings she had for Elliot were to never be acted on. _

_ Elliot led her to the car, and helped her get into the passenger's seat, before walking to the other side of the car and getting into the driver's seat. Olivia watched as her partner sat and buckled his seat belt, debating whether to tell him now or wait until they were at her apartment. Before she could speak, Elliot turned to face her. Placing a hand on her thigh, he gave it a gentle squeeze, before looking into her eyes. "Liv, tell me the truth. Are you okay?"_

_ Olivia sighed. It looked like he had made the decision for her. "El" she began, taking a deep breath before continuing, "I'm pregnant." Olivia watched as her partner's face changed from shock to utter joy. _

_ "Liv, that's, uh, that's great. I'm-"_

_ "Josh is the father" she blurted out, covering her mouth after, realizing just how guilty it made her seem. She watched as Elliot's body tensed at the meer thought of Olivia having a baby with anyone besides him, let alone with her loser of a boyfriend, Josh Hamilton. _

_ Elliot took a deep breath, before letting it out in a loud sigh. It was no secret that he hated her boyfriend, everyone at the precinct did, but what everyone at the precinct didn't know, was exactly why he hated Josh. The real reason, was simply because Josh wasn't Elliot. "Of course, he's your boyfriend" was all he said, before turning and putting the key in the ignition, trying to avoid his partner's eyes, not wanting her to see just how hurt he truly was._

_ Olivia sighed once more. "Ex-boyfriend" she muttered under her breath, just loud enough for him to hear._

_ Elliot quickly turned to face his partner once more, a glimpse of hope playing on his face. He shook his head, disappointed at himself for getting happy that his best friend's last relationship didn't last, especially with a baby on the way. "Olivia, what happened?"_

_ Olivia closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. She could hear it in his voice, how much he wanted to say 'I told you so' and she knew he had been right all along, but she had too much pride to break down in front of him. "Last night, I, uh, I went to Josh's apartment to tell him about the baby. I used my key, and when I went inside I heard something in his room. Naturally, I thought something was wrong, so I ran in, only to be surprised to see my boyfriend fucking some other woman." She looked up at Elliot, and scoffed. "He apologized over and over, and when I finally got him to shut up, I sat him down to talk about it. I should have left, and not told him anything, but I thought that because, well, you know, he deserved a second chance. Especially after what happened with us" she whispered, bringing up something that she promised herself she wouldn't. _

_ Elliot watched as a few tears escaped Olivia's eyes, and fell down her cheeks, leaving small water trails down her tan skin. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, letting her know he was going to be there for her, no matter what. "What happened after that?"_

_ Olivia looked up and gave Elliot a small smile. To her, it sounded like he actually gave a damn, and that made her feel somewhat better. "Well, I told him I was pregnant, and at first he didn't speak. When he did, he was surprised, but he seemed happy, that was, until he handed me my jacket and told me we were done. Asshole broke up with me, right after I told him I was pregnant, with his baby."_

_ Olivia wiped her face before turning to Elliot. She could see the hurt in his eyes, but most of all, she could see the anger. He was angry that someone would do that, especially to Olivia. Any man would be lucky to have a woman like her. "Liv, it'll be okay" he whispered, trying to keep his voice from cracking. He knew it should be him that Olivia was starting a family with, yet he wasn't able to tell her exactly what he felt.

* * *

_

Elliot sat in the hospital chair, thinking, hoping, praying that Olivia, and the baby, would make it through this. It had been four hours since she had been rushed into surgery, and Elliot had not left his spot since.

He needed Olivia to be alright, he wouldn't know what to do if she wasn't. His thoughts were interrupted by a strong hand on his shoulder. "How is she man?"

Elliot looked up to see Fin standing next to him. "They haven't told me anything" he whispered, struggling to keep the tears in that had been threatening to fall since Olivia got hurt.

"What happened?"

Elliot took a deep breath, before speaking. "We went to go arrest Milton, and things got out of hand."

* * *

_ "We got you now you son of a bitch" Elliot said, as he pulled up to the small house. The two had finally solved their latest case, a rape homicide, and were going to arrest their suspect, Erik Milton. "Ready?" Elliot asked, looking over his shoulder at Olivia, who was getting her gun out of its holster, as was Elliot, ready to use it if necessary. _

_ Olivia nodded, which was all the invitation Elliot needed to kick the door open. With one powerful kick, the door came down with a loud thud, and the two rushed in, guns raised and aimed. Elliot went into the kitchen, while Olivia took the bedroom, looking to see how long it had been since Milton had left. It wasn't long before Elliot heard some noise coming from the bedroom. When he realized his partner was still inside, he rushed over. "Liv?" he asked, opening the door, shocked when he found her._

_ She had found their suspect, but instead of overpowering and arresting him, he had attacked her, and now had the gun pressed against her body, ready to fire if needed. "Drop the gun!" Erik demanded, pressing the gun harder into Olivia's back. _

_ Elliot kept his gun aimed on him. Looking at Olivia, his heart broke. He knew how scared she was, after all, he had been in the same situation with Gitano, and he wasn't pregnant. He began to lower his gun, when Olivia spoke. "Elliot, don't you dare drop that gun. Shoot the son of a bitch. Make him pay for what he did to that poor girl."_

_ "Shut up bitch" Erik yelled, cocking the gun above Olivia's head, making sure Elliot saw it. "Drop it, or I'll shoot her."_

_ Olivia shook her head, but before she could speak, the loud bang was heard. Olivia screamed, as she grabbed her shoulder. Erik had shot her in the back of the shoulder, making the bullet go through her body and exiting out the front, just below her clavicle. Elliot tightened his grip on his gun. "You piece of shit! I'll kill you myself."_

_ "Shut up, shut up, shut up."_

_ "Elliot, shoot-"_

_ Before Olivia could finish, another three shots were heard, only this time she was relieved when she heard the thud Erik's lifeless body made when it hit the floor. Elliot rushed over, wrapping his arms around Olivia. "Why'd you shoot him three times?" she asked weakly, knowing he could be charged with overexcessive force._

_ Elliot shook his head. "Liv, I only shot him twice." That's when the pain hit her. Her legs were the first to give out, as the weight of her body became too much for her to bear. Elliot supported her, so she wouldn't hit the floor, and was shocked to see another bullet entry. "Liv, stay with me" he said, starting to panic when he saw her starting to lose conciousness. It was frightening, the amount of blood she had lost, and it only seemed like the amount was doubling with each passing second. Elliot looked down, and shook his head. "No, no, no. Come on Liv, baby, wake up." He held her close, knowing paramedics were on their way, hoping to keep her warm enough until help arrived.

* * *

_

Eight hours without any word on Olivia's well-being was making Elliot nervous. Nervous, and scared. He tried to stay positive, but every time he closed his eyes, he would see her blood everywhere, on the floor, on his clothes, on his hands. He was to blame, and it was eating him up inside.

"Family of Olivia Benson?"

Elliot looked up and saw one of the doctors who had done her surgery. Instantly, he shot up, eager to know how his partner was doing. Cragen, as well as Fin, Munch, Casey, and Melinda, all stood behind Elliot, just as anxious to know about Olivia. "We're her family" Cragen said, placing his hand on Elliot's shoulder, just incase the results weren't what they had been praying for. "How is she?"

"She lost a lot of blood, and she was pretty close to losing it, but damn it, she's a fighter. With a couple of weeks rest, she'll be fine."

Everyone let out sigh of relief. "Can we go see her?" Elliot asked, wanting nothing more than to run up to her and hug his best friend.

The doctor nodded. "Room 49B, but you should know-" Before he could finish, Elliot rushed down the hallway. He needed to see Olivia, he needed to see for himself that she was fine.

When he made it to the room, she was awake. She looked exhausted, but she was alive, and that was all that mattered. Without a word, he rushed up to his partner's side and embraced her in a loving hug, letting her relax in his arms. That was where she felt safe, and it was where both of them wanted her to stay. "I'm sorry" he whispered, kissing her on the forehead.

"El-"

"No Liv, I was so close to losing you today. You need to know, that what happened was never a mis-" He was interrupted by a knock on the door.

The two looked up to see the same doctor as before. "Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I really need to speak with you." Olivia nodded, before the doctor came into the room and shut the door. "Normally I wouldn't allow you to be in here for this" he said, directing it towards Elliot, "but I think I'll be able to make an exception." He looked down at Olivia before taking a deep breath.

Elliot gasped. He remembered that Olivia's wasn't the only life in danger. "Doctor, the baby?"

He shook his head. "I'm so sorry. We tried everything we could, but the bullet came just to close. If it wouldn't have died from the shot, if would have from the blood loss. I'm so sorry Ms. Benson, we tried to save your baby, but there was nothing we could do." He saw Olivia's face fall, and he knew it was time to go. Without another word, he opened the door and walked out, closing it to give Olivia and Elliot privacy.

Elliot tried to hold back the tears. Right now Olivia needed him to be strong, if not for the both of them, then at least for her. "Elliot-" she began, before letting the tears fall. For years she had wanted a baby, a child of her own, and now that she had the chance of becoming a mother, it had been snatched away from her. Ripped from her hands, by a greedy piece of crap.

Elliot got off the bed and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, letting her cry on his chest. Her tears soaked through his shirt, but he didn't care. His best friend had just lost her baby, the least he could do was offer her support. "Olivia, I'm soo sorry" he whispered, still trying his best not to cry. "I know how much you loved that baby."

"Elliot, no, no this can't be happening. Please tell me this isn't happening."

Elliot ran a hand through her hair, trying to calm her down before she had a panic attack. "Olivia, I'm sorry, the doctors tried to save your baby but-"

Olivia shook her head, before pushing away from Elliot. "No, no, no. You don't understand." She made sure she was looking into Elliot's eyes before continuing. "It was your baby" she whispered, before starting to cry once more.

Elliot looked at her, shocked, before pulling her into another hug, finally unable to keep the tears hidden. He held his best friend, crying, thinking about the child the two of them had made, the child neither would ever get the chance to meet.

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**awwww**

**yes, I honestly dont know what I was thinking with this so, oh well. I just went with it, which is why it sounds really choppy. P.S. i was listening to held by Natalie Grant (christian song, but sad song)**

**Review, tell me what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, so, so sorry it's taken so long for an update. I've been extremely busy, it's not even funny. Well, I'll get right to it. **

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN LAW AND ORDER: SVU; DICK WOLF DOES**

* * *

_December 24th - 16 weeks earlier_

_His eyes followed her as she walked back into the room, finding her way to her desk. He watched as she sat down, slumping down in her chair, before letting out a heavy sigh. He couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked. The way her hair had grown just long enough to cover the skin of the back of her neck, made her look radiant, and the blouse she was wearing, which showed her curves perfectly, only complimented her natural beauty. _

_He continued to stare, not noticing that she had seen his eyes traveling her body. He was so wrapped up in undressing her with his eyes, he didn't hear her call his name. "Elliot! Elliot!"_

_"Huh? Wha- I'm sorry, what was that?" He made sure his eyes met with hers, resisting the temptation of imagining her body pressed up against his. _

_"I said, did you get the papers finished?" Olivia watched Elliot, hoping to keep herself distracted from letting her mind wander. Truth was, after watching him in their latest interrogation, she found herself wanting him more than ever. _

_Elliot cleared his throat, closing his eyes, and shaking his head. "Uh, yeah. I finished them."_

_"Then can you please take me home? My head is killing me." _

_Elliot looked up at his partner and smirked. He knew she didn't have a headache. If she did, she would've been acting more like a bitch, and she would've wanted to be as far away from everyone as possible. "Yeah, sure. Let's go," he said, grabbing his coat and keys. _

_The two made their way out of the squadroom and into the elevator. The ride down was silent, but it was a comfortable silence. Neither of them wanted to ruin the serenity the silence created, however, that didn't stop anyone else from ruining it. _

_Elliot let out a small groan when he heard his phone ring. He quickly reached into his pocket, and pulled out the phone, answering it. "Stabler," he said, waiting for the person on the other end to respond. "Yeah, I know. No, that's-" Elliot sighed, loudly, into the phone, turning so that Olivia couldn't see the look on his face. "No Kathy, I'm driving- well because it's what we always do. Well, screw you then! No, I don't care. Bye!" Elliot quickly snapped his phone shut, before jamming it back into his pocket. _

_"You okay?" Olivia asked, placing a hand on her partner's shoulder, knowing he needed to be comforted. _

_"I'll live," was all he said, before the elevator door opened, and he stepped out. _

_The two walked out of the building, and made their way to his car. Olivia got in first, as Elliot watched her. He couldn't help but smile, thinking about how lucky he was to have a best friend like her. He quickly got into the car, and drove to her apartment, trying to figure out a way to ask her to stay the night again. _

* * *

_The drove to her apartment was quiet, but peaceful. As usual, Elliot was invited up to Olivia's apartment for dinner and a beer. _

_"So, what happened with Kathy today?" Olivia asked, taking a bite of her pizza. _

_Elliot sighed, before taking a drink of his beer. "Same shit as always. She's jealous of you Liv."_

_Olivia looked over at her partner, raising an eyebrow, before placing her pizza down. "What? Why?"_

_Elliot looked at Olivia and scoffed. "You're kidding right? Liv, you're beautiful, you're smart. You're the only person I know who can be the biggest badass on the field, and the most caring person to victims."_

_Olivia stared at Elliot, unsure of how to react to the compliments he had just given her. She was about to speak, when her phone began to ring. "Benson," she answered. She listened for a few seconds, her smile quickly fading. "No Josh, I- well of course, he's my partner. What do you mean you can't make it tomorrow? NO! Okay, okay, fine, whatever. I'll see you later. Yeah, me too." She hung up the phone angrily, before tossing it onto the end of the couch, not caring that it bounched off and landed on the floor. _

_"He doesn't deserve you," Elliot whispered, watching as his best friend rubbed her eyes. _

_"What?" Olivia asked, hoping Elliot wasn't going to give her shit about her boyfriend. She knew how much he wanted to say 'I told you so' and frankly, she wasn't in the mood to hear it._

_"I said, he doesn't deserve you."_

_"Elliot, plea-"_

_"No Liv. Just listen to me." Elliot scooted closer to Olivia on the couch, placing his hand on her knee. "He's always disappointing you, always letting you down. I would never do that."_

_"Elliot? What are you doing?" she asked when she noticed Elliot's hands trailing up her body._

_"Something I should've done a long time ago," he said cupping her face in his hands. "I love you Olivia Benson. I have since I met you."_

_Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath, lingering in his scent. "Elliot," she whispered, placing her hands on top of his. "I love you too," she whispered, almost inaudibly. _

_Elliot smiled, before crashing his lips onto hers. At first Olivia didn't know what to do, but when she felt his tounge run along her bottom lip, she knew that she was finally going to get what she had wanted for years. Elliot. _

_"Elliot," Olivia moaned, wrapping her arms around his neck, opening her mouth, giving him access. He took the invite, gladly, deepening the kiss. _

_When the need for air became too much, Elliot pulled away, only to attach his lips to her neck, nipping and sucking at her pulse points. "Liv," he groaned, feeling his pants become tighter. He knew that if they kept this up, he wouldn't be able to stop, and he didn't want to rush Olivia into anything. _

_"Oh God Elliot, please don't stop," Olivia moaned, throwing her head back, giving him more access to her neck. _

_"Liv," Elliot began, finding the strength to pull away from Olivia. "Are you sure?"_

_Olivia nodded, making sure to smile, letting Elliot know just how ready for this she was. This was all the invitation Elliot needed, before he crashed his lips back onto hers, only this time nothing was going to stop him. _

_Olivia began to unbutton his shirt, stopping only to open it, revealing his muscular chest. She raked her nails down his chest, testing him, before slipping the fabric off his shoulder. _

_Becoming impatient, Elliot grabbed the hem of Olivia's shirt and began to pull it off of her body. He pulled his mouth off of hers, only long enough to pull her shirt over her head, before stopping to stare at her body. "Liv, you're beautiful," he whispered, before unhooking her bra and pulling it off. _

_Before Olivia could say anything else, she gasped, feeling Elliot's mouth cover her right nipple. "El," she moaned, arching her back, pushing her chest closer to him. _

_Her hands trailed down his body, stopping at the button of his slacks. She quickly undid them, and slid them off, as far as she could in her current position. Elliot moaned, feeling relief from the pressure his hardened cock had caused him. "Elliot, please," Olivia begged, forcing him to stop what he was doing to her breasts. _

_He looked down at her and nodded, knowing what she needed. She needed him, all of him, and he knew, it was something that was long awaited for. Without another word, he pulled down his boxers, revealing his stiff member, standing at full attention. Elliot's hands quickly found their way to Olivia's jeans. He unbuttoned them, quickly pulling down the zipper, before tugging them down her legs, along with her panties. _

_Tonight was about need. There wasn't time for foreplay. They needed to feel each other, they needed the other to know just how much they loved them. _

_"Liv?" Elliot questioned, when she was fully exposed. _

_Olivia nodded, before laying on the couch, pulling Elliot on top of her. "Please Elliot, I need you," she whispered, looping her arms around his neck._

_Elliot nodded, before placing his lips on top of hers. Without another word, he pushed into her, slowly, silencing the moans that escaped her mouth with his lips. He heard her breath hitch, causing him to stop. Afraid he had hurt her, Elliot stayed still, not wanting to move and cause her more pain. "Elliot, I'm fine. Go ahead," Olivia said against his lips, urging him to continue. _

_Never one to deny his girl anything, Elliot continued to push into her, until he was buried all the way inside her. Letting out a small moan himself, he pulled out, before pushing back in her. He closed his eyes, and moaned, feeling as if he had died and gone to heaven. Never had he dreamed Olivia would be this tight, or this wet, and the feeling only added more pleasure to their experience. _

_Elliot continued his thrusts, earning moans from the both of them. "Elliot, oh, Elliot!" Olivia wrapped her legs around his waist, allowing him to go deeper, before pulling his head down for another heated kiss. _

_Not able to control himself any longer, Elliot began to thrust into Olivia faster, loving the sounds he was recieving. It didn't take long before he began to feel that all to familiar burn. "Elliot, I'm going to-"_

_"Liv, don't hold back. Just let it go." As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt her clamp down on him. A few more thrusts and he felt the most powerful orgasm he had ever had, rip through his body. _

_When all was said and done, Elliot collapsed, falling onto the couch next to Olivia. He knew the two wouldn't be able to sleep on the couch, at least not comfortably, so he pulled out of Olivia, and stood up, before picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom. _

_He placed her on the bed, before carefully placing the blankets on top, covering her naked body. He got into the bed next to her, loving the feeling of her body pressed against his. "I love you El," she whispered, smiling when she felt Elliot snake his arm around her waist, resting his hand on her stomach. _

_"I love you too Liv," he replied, kissing the back of her head, before drifting off to sleep, content with the feeling of having the love of his life in his arms, sleeping peacefully after a night of amazing sex._

* * *

_The next morning Olivia woke up to the sound of her cell phone ringing. She would have ignored it, but she remembered who was calling, and how bad it would be if he caught her and Elliot in bed together, naked. She quickly grabbed her robe off the floor and threw it on, before rushing out into the living room and picking up her phone. "Benson," she answered, hoping she wouldn't have to listen to her boyfriend complain about something else. "No, I can meet you then. Okay bye." She hung up, before he was able to say 'I love you', knowing she wouldn't be able to say them back to him, not after everything that had happened last night._

_Tossing the phone onto the couch, Olivia made her way back to her room, smiling when she saw Elliot sitting up against her headboard, his naked body only covered by a sheet from the waist down. Without thinking, she walked up to her bed, sitting a few inches from where he sat. As if by instinct, Elliot cupped her face and kissed her, making her melt inside. "Leave him," he whispered against her lips. _

_Elliot opened her eyes and noticed the tears falling down her face. "Leave your wife," she responded, knowing he would never do it. _

_"Baby," Elliot began, wiping the tears away from her face. Did she think last night was a mistake? She had to know that he was telling her the truth. He was in love with her, and nothing was going to change that. _

_"Elliot," she began, looking into his eyes. "Please tell me last night wasn't a mistake." _

_Elliot continued to stare into her chocolate brown eyes and sighed. "I, it wasn't a mistake, but I don't know what's going to happ-"_

_Olivia placed a finger on top of Elliot's lips, and shook her head. "Just leave," she whispered, bowing her head so Elliot couldn't see the tears well up in her eyes. _

_"Olivia, baby, please don't do this."_

_He tried to kiss her, but she pulled away. "Please, just leave," she said, getting up and going into the bathroom, locking herself in until Elliot left. _

* * *

April

Elliot held Olivia as she continued to cry. "Shh, it's okay Liv. We'll get through this."

Olivia continued to cry. For years she had wanted to be a mother, and when that dream had finally come true, it had been taken away from her, just like that. "Elliot, our baby. It was our baby."

Elliot looked at Olivia, before wiping his eyes free of the tears that had fallen. "I thought it was Josh- what- How long have you known?"

Olivia looked at Elliot and took a deep breath. "I had always hoped he was yours, and I guess some part of me knew, but it wasn't until I told Josh I was pregnant did I know for sure." She looked at Elliot, who was holding her hand, letting her know he was there for her. "He, uh, the reason he broke up with me was- He knew Elliot, he knew we had sex. He had a vasectomy, so there was no way he could've fathered that baby. That's when I knew it had to be you."

"Liv, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me I had another child on the way?"

Olivia wiped her face with the hand Elliot wasn't holding. "And tell you what Elliot? My boyfriend just broke up with me because he's shooting blanks, and I'm pregnant. Guess what, you're the father. Elliot, I was embarassed, and I didn't know how you would've taken the news." She took another deep breath, before continuing. "You had already gone back to Kathy, and I didn't want to feel like the woman who ruined your, and your childrens' lives."

Elliot shook his head. "I had a right to know Olivia! I had a right to know that you were pregnant with my child."

"What?"

The two turned to the door and saw Alex standing there, shocked. "Alex, I can explain," Olivia said, trying to keep the ADA quiet while she thought of an explaination.

Alex shook her head. "How long has this been going on?"

Elliot looked at Alex, a little angry that she had interrupted his and Olivia's moment. "Alex, I know you really want to see Liv, but can you please give us a minute?"

Alex looked at Olivia who nodded, pleaded the blonde with her eyes. "Okay, I need to get back to court. I just wanted to drop by and make sure you were okay." Alex gave Olivia a small hug, before throwing Elliot a smile. "By the way Stabler, your wife's out there, and she looks angry."

"She can wait," Elliot said, not even bothering to look away from Olivia.

Alex nodded once, before looking at the two. "I want to know about this, thing later," she said, pointing at the two.

Olivia nodded, before taking a deep breath. The two watched as Alex walked out of the room, before Elliot turned back to Olivia. "Liv, why?" he whispered, trying to stop the tears from falling.

Olivia looked at Elliot and closed her eyes, pushing her head into the pillow. "El, I was scared. I was alone, and scared."

Elliot made Olivia scoot over in the bed, before he climbed in with her. As soon as he was laying next to her, she placed her head on his chest, as his arms wrapped securly around her body, keeping her close to him, protecting her. "Liv, you'll never be alone," he whispered, placing a kiss on the crown of her head, before leaning his head back against the pillow, closing his eyes, and allowing himself to sleep with Olivia safe in his arms.

* * *

**O.o the truth comes out! So, what happens now that Alex knows about their little fling? And will Olivia ever truely recover from this?**

**Review to find out :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**So sorry it's taking me forever and a day to update everything. I have been so busy with school; college is kind of kicking my ass right now. My dad and my close friend were both in the hospital, and I am so uninspired to write now...I have no clue why :( Plus I had finals and had to check out, which was a hassel :/ So honestly, I'm so so so sorry for the huge delay. If you're reading any of my other stories, you'll probably get this little shpeal as well. **

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN LAW AND ORDER: SVU; DICK WOLF DOES**

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Olivia was able to leave the hospital a few days later. She was more than happy to leave the hospital, especially when that's where she had to spend all her time for nearly a week. She had explained everything to Alex, and after a long conversation with Elliot, the two were back to normal.

It was Olivia's first day back, and she had to admit, she was a little excited to be going to back to work. She had missed all the guys during her stay in the hospital, and as much as she loved the rest, she hated having nothing to do. So here she was, on her way into the squadroom, thankful that it was quiet when she walked in.

Fin was the first to see her. "Hey Baby-girl!" he yelled across the room, everyone's head snapping up at the sound of the nickname.

Olivia looked up and gave Fin a small smile. "Hi Fin," she said quietly.

She sat at her desk and looked at her empty computer screen. Truth was, she was happy to be out of the hospital, but she was still depressed about losing the baby.

Fin looked at Munch who only shrugged. They walked over to her desk, stopping when they saw the tears fall from her eyes. Fin was about to speak, when Elliot came into the room. When he saw Olivia he smiled, rushing quickly over to his partner. However, he stopped when he saw the tears running down her face. "Liv?" he asked, rushing up behind her and wrapping his arms around her body.

She continued to cry, burying her head into his chest. He looked up at Fin and Munch, who were just as confused as he was. "What happened?" he asked, as he began to run his hands through her hair.

Fin shrugged, his eyes never leaving Olivia. "She just started crying," he said, handing her a box of tissue.

Olivia refused the tissue, as she continued to cry. Being at the precinct, being in the arms of the man who had fathered her baby, only made her realize how much she was missing. She would never have the family she wanted, and that thought alone made her cry.

Elliot pulled her close, kissing her forehead, and rubbing her back. "It'll be okay Liv, trust me, it'll be okay." He looked up to the guys and sighed. "Go call Haung."

* * *

It had been a week since her first day back, and Olivia still wasn't feeling any better. Elliot had forced her to talk to Dr. Haung, who said her depression was caused by both the shooting, and losing the baby.

Everyone at work was worried. Things weren't the same without Olivia there, and now that she was depressed, she wasn't able to do her job to the best of her ability. Elliot was beginning to miss who his partner used to be, and both Munch and Fin needed their 'sister' back.

Elliot walked into the squadroom, smiling when he saw his partner at her desk already working on old paperwork. He had a plan that he hoped would bring the old Liv back to him. He quickly walked up to her, sitting on her desk, before speaking. "Hey Liv," he said in a cheery tone.

"Hi El," she replied, not even bothering to look up from her paperwork.

Elliot watched as she signed her name at the bottom of a form, before hopping off her desk and kneeling in front of her. Catching her eyes with his own, he sighed. The light from her eyes were gone. Instead of those beautiful chocolate brown eyes, he saw plain brown eyes, which were red from the constant crying.

Elliot placed his hand on her knee, forcing her to look away from the work on her desk. "Liv, come on. You and me are going out."

"Right now?" she asked, watching as Elliot nodded in response. "El, I have work to do. Besides Cragen will-"

"I already took care of Cragen," he said, standing from his spot on the floor. "Besides, he, Munch, Fin, even Huang and Alex agreed that you need to get out and get away from work for a while. I volunteered to get you back to your fun loving, badass self."

Olivia looked at her partner and sighed. She didn't want to go out. She wanted to go home and cry herself to sleep, holding the sonogram picture of her baby, but she knew Elliot, nor anyone else she worked with, would allow her to do so. "Fine," she said, getting out of her chair.

Elliot smiled, before grabbing her hand and leading her to the elevator. He was going to make sure they had a good time, and dammit, he was going to get her back.

* * *

"That was fun," Elliot said with a laugh, as he sat in the booth across from Olivia.

"Yeah," Olivia said, still depressed. She was convinced she would be like this forever, and that scared her.

Elliot looked at the woman across from him and furrowed his eyebrows in thought. He had to get her to smile, at least once. He quickly ordered both their meals, looking over at Olivia. He smiled when he saw her lip curve up slightly. "Thank you," she said softly.

"For what?" he asked, taking a drink of his iced tea.

"For everything. I know how hard it must be trying to deal with me. I don't know why I feel like this, and I don't know when I'm going to stop being such a downer, but I think if anyone can help me, it's you."

Elliot looked at her and smiled. "Liv, I'm going to be here for you, no matter what." He reached over the table and grabbed her hand. "Besides, you can't get rid of me that easily," he said with a wink.

Olivia smiled, and let out a small laugh, surprising both Elliot and herself. "There's the Liv I remember," he said, patting her hand.

Olivia smiled, grateful that she had a best friend like Elliot. She now knew, that with him, she'd be able to find her old self.

* * *

"Thanks, today was...fun," Olivia said with a small smile.

Elliot walked into his partner's apartment with her, and made his way to the couch. "You deserved it Liv. We are all worried about you. We just want you to be happy again."

Olivia joined him on the couch and sighed. "And I think I will be, but it'll take time."

Elliot nodded his head. He understood, after all, she had just lost the baby she had wanted for years. "I'm just glad I was able to spend time with my best friend," he said with a wink. He looked into her eyes, smiling when he realized that spark was returning. He would soon have his old Liv back.

Olivia smiled again, before making herself comfortable on the couch. The two had spent the day wondering the city, having long conversations, just like old times. It was then that she realized exactly what she was missing. She was missing her job, she was missing the fun she had with her co-workers, she was missing out on Elliot. All this time she had wanted him, he had been there all along.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when she felt his hand cup her face. "Liv?"

She looked at him, surprised. "Yeah?" she whispered.

"I've been thinking. Ever since you told me that the baby as mine, I've been thinking, and I need you to know the truth." He took a deep breath before continuing. "Olivia Benson, I love you, I always have. That night was never a mistake, but I was too much of a coward to leave my wife. I wanted to be able to have my cake and eat it too. I'm in love with you, and all I want to do is make you happy."

Olivia looked into his partner's eyes, both scared, and happy. She had waited years for him to say those words to him, but his timing was horrible. "Elliot," she began, only to be interrupted by him.

"Liv, please tell me I'm not too late. Let me in, and I promise you, I won't ever let you get hurt again."

Olivia looked at him, unsure of what to do. Sure, she wanted to be his. She wanted to know that he was going to be there for her to protect her, but she couldn't risk it, not after what happened the last time.

She sat on the couch, wide eyed, hoping she would know what to say to Elliot's confession. She didn't want to lead him on, but she didn't want to let him go either.

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**Okay, sorry if it sounded choppy. I didn't know what to do with this chapter. :/**

**Review, and tell me how it's going. If no one likes it, I'll end it, because honestly I didn't expect it to even go this far. **

**R&R please :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**So so so sorry it has taken me this long to update. College was crazy, and finals made it even worse. Not to mention other personal problems, but now that it's summer, I'll hopefully be able to get more writing done. Now, on to the story! :)**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN LAW & ORDER:SVU; DICK WOLF DOES :/**

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Olivia sat still on the couch, letting Elliot's words process thoroughly before she spoke. "Elliot, I-"

Before she could finish her sentence, his lips were on hers. Olivia knew she should stop him, before he got the wrong idea, but his lips against hers felt so damn amazing. Before she knew what was happening, she deepened the kiss, her hands resting on the back of his neck, pulling him close, while his hands wove their way into her hair. "Elliot," Olivia moaned, feeling Elliot's lips begin to gently suck on her neck.

Elliot continued to suck on her neck, nipping at her skin, making her shiver. "Olivia, I love you so much," he whispered, holding her close, as his lips crashed back onto hers. His hands moved down to her shirt, slowly undoing the buttons, as he thrust his tongue between her parted lips. Olivia let out a small moan, egging Elliot on. He took off her shirt, looking down at the blue lace bra she wore, before his fingers moved up to his own shirt, slowly unbuttoning it. He opened his shirt and let it slide off his shoulders and onto the couch, smirking when he felt Olivia's hands on his chest, caressing the muscles she found.

Elliot kissed his way down her body, his hands slowly unbuttoning her slacks, when he felt Olivia's hands push gently on his chest. "Elliot," she said, trying to gain his attention. When he continued to kiss her body, she pushed on his chest harder, leaning away from him. "Elliot," she said louder, this time forcing him to stop.

Elliot looked up, scooting away from Olivia. The last thing he wanted was for her to be angry with him. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" He looked into her eyes, trying to find the reason as to why she had stopped him.

Olivia shook her head. "I just think it's too soon. Remember what happened last time we got carried away. We ended up with an unplanned pregnancy."

Elliot scooted back closer to Olivia and shook his head slightly. "Liv, that's because we love each other. You and I finally gave into what we were trying to stay away from for years. Liv, that baby was made from pure love."

"He," Olivia whispered.

"What?" Elliot asked, wrapping his arm around Olivia, pulling her shirt back onto her body.

Olivia looked up at Elliot, staring into his eyes, and took a deep breath. "It was a little boy. We were having a little boy," she whispered, the tears gathering in her eyes once more.

Elliot looked at Olivia speechless. The thought of having a little boy with Olivia made his heart swell. He knew she wanted a son with him, someone that looked like his father, but to know that they had one, and he was now gone forever, made his heart shatter. He wrapped his arms around Olivia, letting her cry on his shoulder. He rubbed her back soothingly, knowing she was hurting more than he could ever possibly know. "Kathy sent the divorce papers while you were in the hospital," he whispered.

Olivia froze, before pulling away, looking into his eyes. "Elliot?" she asked, too afraid to ask if Kathy had found out about her and their baby.

"I didn't, I fell out of love with her Liv. It wasn't because of us." He looked at her, and took a deep breath, knowing that she was trying to take everything in. Between having to keep quiet about the identity of her baby's paternity, losing the baby, and having to restrain her feelings for her partner, it was fair to say she was stressed. He, however, wanted to be the one to help her through everything. He wanted to be the one to help her, the one she came to when she needed to talk, the one to provide that family she wanted.

"Liv," he said, grabbing her hand. He waited until she was staring into his eyes, before he took another deep breath. This wasn't the way he wanted to do it, but he figured she needed to know exactly how he felt. "Marry me?"

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**Sooooo, I know it was kind of short, I'm sorry. To be honest, I really have no plans for this one. It was really only supposed to be a one-shot, so I'm going to try to keep this going but I don't know how it's going to go. I think that it's going to be a short fict, maybe about 10 chapters? I'll let you know when it comes to an end. Until then, enjoy it :)**

**Please review, it lets me know what everyone thinks, and it makes me happy :)**


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